7.04.2004
I find it really hard to talk about being sad on this blog. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, cause it seems like that will just drag my misery on longer. And usually I am embarassed - I seem to be sad about unreasonable things.
Like now I feel really homesick...but I'm home. Hmmm. I think it is because I HATE LIVING ALONE and 4th of July was a big let down this year. I feel out of sorts. My parents went out of town, and I visited them. I felt weird about doing that, so I went back to Bemidji. But, everyone is with their own families. I want my parents back here. I walked in the parade and wanted them to be along the parade route, to be there after the parade. I didn't know what to do with myself.
Luckily, Amber called me up and invited me to eat with her family at Diamond Point. Then to Julie G.s with her family for more grilling at her house. My parents came home this evening, so I went home to hang with them. I was extremely tired from the parade and really just wanted to sit on the couch. They did too, so we never made it out to the fireworks. That bugs me. I could have gone, but I feel weird going by myself, even when I probably would have found someone I knew at the waterfront. I had a lot of up-in-the-air possibilites, but honestly I just wanted someone to call me again and make plans.
And of course Mr. Johnson had called this morning saying let me know when you are doing stuff and we'll hang out. But after a couple messages, I gave up. I am assuming that he is with his family. Damn hopes up.
I could probably chock all of this up to it being my emotional week. Yeah, we'll go with that. Okay, so writing this has put me into a worse mood - not exactly the goal.
Like now I feel really homesick...but I'm home. Hmmm. I think it is because I HATE LIVING ALONE and 4th of July was a big let down this year. I feel out of sorts. My parents went out of town, and I visited them. I felt weird about doing that, so I went back to Bemidji. But, everyone is with their own families. I want my parents back here. I walked in the parade and wanted them to be along the parade route, to be there after the parade. I didn't know what to do with myself.
Luckily, Amber called me up and invited me to eat with her family at Diamond Point. Then to Julie G.s with her family for more grilling at her house. My parents came home this evening, so I went home to hang with them. I was extremely tired from the parade and really just wanted to sit on the couch. They did too, so we never made it out to the fireworks. That bugs me. I could have gone, but I feel weird going by myself, even when I probably would have found someone I knew at the waterfront. I had a lot of up-in-the-air possibilites, but honestly I just wanted someone to call me again and make plans.
And of course Mr. Johnson had called this morning saying let me know when you are doing stuff and we'll hang out. But after a couple messages, I gave up. I am assuming that he is with his family. Damn hopes up.
I could probably chock all of this up to it being my emotional week. Yeah, we'll go with that. Okay, so writing this has put me into a worse mood - not exactly the goal.