2.01.2005
Okay, he's pissing me off. I don't feel appreciated. We don't have the same values. He's not affirming.
But, shit, I didn't tell him that. I'm so careful about not wanting to hurt others, that even when they hurt me I don't want them to feel bad about it. I think part of it is an ego thing. I don't want to seem weak, I don't want others to know that they have hurt my feelings. So, I mask it. I hold it inside.
Then I think to myself, it's not my "emotional day of the month", that was last week. If I can't blame this on my cycle why I am I so upset? Obviously, this isn't going to work out.
But I knew that from the start. I didn't call him for a year. I never did any persuing. I merely aquiesed the request to go out, to come over, to fucking bring him a pop from the fridge and do the dishes one too many times.
But, shit, I didn't tell him that. I'm so careful about not wanting to hurt others, that even when they hurt me I don't want them to feel bad about it. I think part of it is an ego thing. I don't want to seem weak, I don't want others to know that they have hurt my feelings. So, I mask it. I hold it inside.
Then I think to myself, it's not my "emotional day of the month", that was last week. If I can't blame this on my cycle why I am I so upset? Obviously, this isn't going to work out.
But I knew that from the start. I didn't call him for a year. I never did any persuing. I merely aquiesed the request to go out, to come over, to fucking bring him a pop from the fridge and do the dishes one too many times.