11.29.2004
I got the highest score on my paper for Social, Ethical, and Professional Issues in Computing. Higher than all the other boys who freak out in class and make things out of control with their immature comments. Higher than the English minor. Higher than the boy who is always asking me if my homework is done, cause he had his done last week, because has no job and all the time in the world to do homework and makes me feel inadequate.
I communicate better hahaha.
I communicate better hahaha.
I am glad that someone took care of the pregnant kitty last week that was hanging around the alley. And I'm glad that it was the sponge bob house and not one of my roommates:)
11.28.2004
Sending love and good vibes to you while you wait in anticipation of your TFA interview. I miss you and wish you the best of luck while you show them how much they should BEG you to be in their program!
11.23.2004
Blowing my load of posts that I've been saving until my homework was done and I was inspired. Hopefully, it won't be too long before I can squeeze out some creativity again. A lot of the preceding was written on Saturday afternoon in a coffeeshop and subsequently I complain about writting on paper in some of my posts.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
11.22.2004
Computer programs frustrate me. I want to solve the problem and just write the code. End of story. But I start out looking for the solution. I think I have found it. This part works, the part works. Add more, that works. Then add something else and all hell breaks out. Everything is broken. Take it out and shit everything is still broken. Argh. Where did I miss a step? Big clouds of uncertainty and inadequacy descend on me. Questioning myself and feeling defeated, like I have to start at the very beginning again.
But, I have to keep telling myself I can do it. Maybe walk away for it for a little while - go to the vending machine and buy a bag of M&Ms. When suddenly, a new point of view exposes itself and with it comes a new breakthrough.
That's the high that I haven't experienced enough of to enjoy programming. Too often I am stuck in the uncertainty phase - and don't know where to start.
But, I have to keep telling myself I can do it. Maybe walk away for it for a little while - go to the vending machine and buy a bag of M&Ms. When suddenly, a new point of view exposes itself and with it comes a new breakthrough.
That's the high that I haven't experienced enough of to enjoy programming. Too often I am stuck in the uncertainty phase - and don't know where to start.
It bothers me that I am having computer separation anxiety/annoyance. I itch to be able to type this instead of write it. Although I find some satisfaction in seeing my writing on paper, turning pages, using my fun pen, writing lower case z's in cursive. I feel like I can fool people into thinking I'm doing work when really I'm bull shiting and taking my thoughts out of abstraction. Yet, I can't write fast enough and my hand is beginning to hurt.
Is the media really liberal? Do I not notice because it seems normal to me? How do we get the public to watch news with a critical and discerning eye. To question the way stories are framed, instead of mindlessly absorbing the info-tainment.
How do we convey the problems of integration of church and state? There are liberal xians who have strong faiths. Who want faith out of politics because it becomes cheapened and prostituted for votes and political gain (I know they exist, cause I am one. And there are a lot of us. We're just much quieter than the right). How do we show that faith in politics is fake and wrong?
What if it was muslim fundamentalists pushing the integration of religion and state? Would they see the problems in that light?
How do we convey the problems of integration of church and state? There are liberal xians who have strong faiths. Who want faith out of politics because it becomes cheapened and prostituted for votes and political gain (I know they exist, cause I am one. And there are a lot of us. We're just much quieter than the right). How do we show that faith in politics is fake and wrong?
What if it was muslim fundamentalists pushing the integration of religion and state? Would they see the problems in that light?
Being with my friends makes me feel more creative, happy, productive, motivated. Energy for pushing our limits. Julie aluded to it in her blog on Saturday.
Laura painted me a BEAUTIFUL picture of greens and pinks. I love it more everyday. It makes me happy and loved to look at it. She told me she thought about me while she painted. Just knowing that makes me greatful for her gift of expression. I love owning original art. ORIGINAL ART! Painted for me. What an awesome form of communication.
Laura painted me a BEAUTIFUL picture of greens and pinks. I love it more everyday. It makes me happy and loved to look at it. She told me she thought about me while she painted. Just knowing that makes me greatful for her gift of expression. I love owning original art. ORIGINAL ART! Painted for me. What an awesome form of communication.
Amy and I had a super-Friday-night-single-girls-date last weekend. Dinner was served up at the Moe residence at a volunteer thank you party. A nice civilized grown-up party. Then on to Keg for "one" drink. The bar upstais was full so we headed to the basement for better service. We got our beers, chatted up boys and friends, took advantage of Beech's generosity and was left double fisting Heinken and Bud Light. The night made me feel beautiful and happy. Amy and I tried to figure out possible relationships and ended the night with a shake and greasy food at Perkins. Mmm, food for the soul, heart and butt:)
I'm dreaming of a White Thanksgiving. Doesn't look like its going to happen though.
Amy: I found the cover song that Jewel was singing in Caribou. It's You Make Loving Fun, originally by Fleetwood Mac. Ahh, satisfaction in my internet searching abilities:)
Google now has a search of only peer-reviewed journals and research worthy documents! The beta (means not perfect yet, still in testing state) is at: http://scholar.google.com/
I used it to write a paper today and had mostly success using it except when the peer-review journals required subscriptions or fees. Darn IEEE. But just think you are standing on the shoulders of giants.
I used it to write a paper today and had mostly success using it except when the peer-review journals required subscriptions or fees. Darn IEEE. But just think you are standing on the shoulders of giants.
11.20.2004
I feel like I'm in the movie "You've Got Mail" or "What Women Want" with the jazzy music in this unnamed, corporate coffeeshop. Or just transported to New York. That is, until I look outside at the cement wonderland, ugly gray sky, unoriginal consumer development of this part of town and my bubble has been burst.
Take some of the better parts of urban life and put them in the woods. Indie movies, wireless internet, cafes, (still need bookstores), independent restaraunts, downtown night life. You make it what you want.
Take some of the better parts of urban life and put them in the woods. Indie movies, wireless internet, cafes, (still need bookstores), independent restaraunts, downtown night life. You make it what you want.
Sometimes I look at motivated young people and I ask: do we push ourselves to the point where we break? Are we looking for our maximum capacity of responsibilities? Do we feel we have to do as much as possible? More? What is our drive to do this?
Thinking about limits in a coffeeshop, away from my computer, frustrated that I have to write this on paper, and will later have to retype it. At the same time as admiring my own quirky handwriting and the flow of ink on paper.
Is it a competition between my friends to be the most motivated? To receive the most accolades? I still feel like nothing was done by me at the DFL. (I don't do this for complements, so let me try and talk myself into it) I called people to come down and make phonecalls, sometimes knock on doors, or just to sit in the office. I plunged the toilet A LOT. I was really nice to people who I wanted to go away. I talked politics with those who came in for bumper stickers and wouldn't sign up to help with work. I flirted with Andy Martin A LOT when I *had* to call him everyday. I tried to appease all the campaigns and not step on any toes, not steal any volunteers.
Speaking of which how do we solve the problem of "volunteer stealing"? Maybe if all interns and volunteer recruiters had to become the best of friends at a retreat prior to the campaign. Then everyone would share and coordinate their events and needs. And volunteers wouldn't get called four times a day with campaign opportunities.
Oh wait - that was my job wasn't it? I guess I was too busy with the mundane everyday operations of the place and didn't have space for coordination. (should have paid me for 30 or 40 hrs and maybe it could have happened.)
Sometimes I feel like I define my life in terms of before & after the election.
Thinking about limits in a coffeeshop, away from my computer, frustrated that I have to write this on paper, and will later have to retype it. At the same time as admiring my own quirky handwriting and the flow of ink on paper.
Is it a competition between my friends to be the most motivated? To receive the most accolades? I still feel like nothing was done by me at the DFL. (I don't do this for complements, so let me try and talk myself into it) I called people to come down and make phonecalls, sometimes knock on doors, or just to sit in the office. I plunged the toilet A LOT. I was really nice to people who I wanted to go away. I talked politics with those who came in for bumper stickers and wouldn't sign up to help with work. I flirted with Andy Martin A LOT when I *had* to call him everyday. I tried to appease all the campaigns and not step on any toes, not steal any volunteers.
Speaking of which how do we solve the problem of "volunteer stealing"? Maybe if all interns and volunteer recruiters had to become the best of friends at a retreat prior to the campaign. Then everyone would share and coordinate their events and needs. And volunteers wouldn't get called four times a day with campaign opportunities.
Oh wait - that was my job wasn't it? I guess I was too busy with the mundane everyday operations of the place and didn't have space for coordination. (should have paid me for 30 or 40 hrs and maybe it could have happened.)
Sometimes I feel like I define my life in terms of before & after the election.
11.19.2004
Like rushing water, our praises are to you. Like roaring thunder our voices shake the earth. We're moving mountains, just to get to you. We're moving mountains, moving mountains, just to get to you. We're moving mountains, moving mountains to get to you.Kids in the Way
Ahh, finally Friday. No work tomorrow, no phone banks, no chaparoning. Just a day to try and be productive for myself. Do laundry, go to the Rec, write a paper, read, visit Mom, be with friends, oh how wonderful to be able to choose what I do. I hope it is sunny or snows. I'm ready for there to be white stuff everywhere, although it means an end to wearing my favorite pink shoes:)
For now I'm off to work and hopefully, I'll be able to squeeze in a trip to the Labrynth at First Lutheran before it closes at 2:00.
For now I'm off to work and hopefully, I'll be able to squeeze in a trip to the Labrynth at First Lutheran before it closes at 2:00.
11.17.2004
I recieved/partcipated/did Communion today. Eucharist. I haven't partaken in a long time. I miss it when I don't go to Sunday Morning Methodist Church, we haven't done it in Sunday Night Methodist Worship, I respect not taking it in Sunday Night Catholic Mass. For the first time this year I opened a window of oportunity at Wednesday Night Lutheran Worship. And allowed some space for God. I got it at JUMYs. Sitting with a ton of middle schoolers, singing songs, being in the moment, bonding with the girls.To partake in the sacrament, ceremony, to have a meal with God - it fills you up.
*Thank you for loving me. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for hearing me. Thank you for healing me. Thank you for saving me.*
(do you remember, i whispered, when i sat you down and we talked about the beauty of the human hand, and traced its contours around your fingertips? do you remember the gray-green seas and the handfuls of snakes and the gems and the other little metaphors that took flight from here? where have they all gone? i turned my head for a moment to look for them and now they seem to have vanished)correction
11.15.2004
My president will have worked in a job that is universally considered "menial". Good job experience for my president would be something along the lines of waitress, short-order cook, dishwasher or ditch digger. I want my president to learn first-hand about how much creativity it takes to keep the bills paid at minimum wage. I want them to work at minimum wage a good, long time.Among other things...
During that time, they should get very ill at least once, so that they can experience wage loss at minimum wage with no leave days or sick days. They also should attempt to purchase health insurance while on minimum wage. They should drive a 12-year-old car with rust eating through the paint, and it should break down regularly and cost an average of $500 to repair each time. Then, during their time as a minimum wage earner, the car should die completely and they should experience the desperation of losing a job because they can't afford a car, and the vicious circle that ensues.
They should have no family members or close friends who are in a position to help them out of this mess. They should apply for government aid at some point and should be turned down for assistance by a rude government worker who makes them feel like scum. They should lose pay for the time they took off from their minimum wage job to go to the social services appointment, and they should have to decide between a light bill and groceries at least once.
These are exactly some of the problems that people I know are going through. All those who are so selfish as to think that we don't need social programs have it WAY too easy. I'm screaming at all you conservative computer science majors that I argue with in the lab, the ones with parents paying for their education and willing to bail them out when crap happens (along with my brother). Do you think that just because you were lucky and got into the right family you are special? We are a priveliged society, it is our duty to take care of each other. Isn't it obvious that everyone benefits from a well-educated, healthy population - who have a sense of hope instead of a sense of desperation?
(Emphasis mine)
Earth Prayers, Elizabeth Roberts
"At the heart of Earth Prayer is a sense of belonging. Belonging is the basic truth of our existence. We belong here. Life belongs here. Likewise, at the heart of gratefulness, in its deepest sense, we also find an expression of belonging. When we say 'Thank you' we really are saying 'We belong together.' That is why we sometimes find it so difficult to say 'Thank you' - becasue we don't want to acknowledge our interdependence. We don't want to be obliged. But in a healthy society that is exactly what we seek: mutual obligations. Everyone is obliged to everyone and everything else, we all belong together, we are of each other. In this awareness we are freed from self-preoccupation - and only then, emptied of self, can we be filled with thanks. As Brother David Steindl-Rast tells us, 'Love wholeheartedly, be surprised, give thanks and praise - then you will discover the fullness of your life.'
Within this human impulse to gratitude flow the vast cycles of universal reciprocity - for everything that is taken, something has to be given in return. If you merely take in a breath and stop there, you will die. Likewise if you merely breathe out. Life is not giving or taking, but give and take. This is the dynamic expression of universal belonging expressed in our thanksgiving...
Our praise and thanksgiving is as essential a part of life's give and take as are the cycles of oxygen and water or any other nourishment flowing through the biosphere. For millenia prayers and songs ... have been offered up to celebrate the miracle of existence of which we are part. May their voices join our own."
Earth Prayers, Elizabeth Roberts
11.14.2004
11.10.2004
We're not red or blue, we're purple. "Two nations under God", where conservative evangelicals view morality differently than liberal xians. Conservatives tend to be economic libertarians - that is, individuals and corporations should be free to practice their economic lives without government intervention. Hence, they revere tax cuts practically as a faith issue. Conservatives do not trust individuals to make moral decisions with their bodies - elevating same-sex marriage, abortion, euthanasia, and stem-cell research to be the central tenets of "family values."
Liberals are all in favor of regulating economic activity, on the other hand, in large part because they do not trust the avarice of either individuals or corporations. Yet they tend to be libertarians on social values, convinced that personal moral behavior that deals with sex/body is no one's business but their own...All to say, Christians in the U.S. today do not simply disagree on a hierarchy of values. They read the Bible quite differently and express their faith in Jesus in radically distinct ways. - David Batstone
11.08.2004
11.05.2004
(I took the chance that holiday in would have free, wireless internet and SCORE they do:) Back at JUMYs for the seventh time. This has to be one of the best gatherings that United Methodists have. I love being an adult here. I have no pressure to be cool, cause adults aren't cool. So I can be the silly, dorky girl that I am. And sing as loud as I want and jump up and down and laugh and joke and make fun of stuff that is going on. Highlights so far: wearing flipflops in early winter, free green teeshirts, doing worship my style by singing loud and dancing wild and having FUN at church. Ah, I needed this. I'm ready to be rejuvenated and throw myself back into my real life. I'm ready and finally able to be happy again this week.
Oh, and the best boss finally called. *grin*
Now time to go the dance!
Oh, and the best boss finally called. *grin*
Now time to go the dance!
11.03.2004
The Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement (CIRCLE) reports that at least 20.9 million Americans under the age of 30 voted in 2004, an increase of 4.6 million compared to 2000. "The trick, of course, to sustaining enthusiasm will be in convincing the many young Kerry supporters that their efforts were not in vain, that they made a difference. If they can take their passion and create long-term organizations, they will be a force to reckon with."PRNewswire
Dear God,
Whatever we thought things should be like today, they are the way they are.
Help us to remember that even though many of the women and men we elected yesterday are named after saints and monarchs, they are still human and fallible and need our support and our admonitions.
Help us to remember that those who opposed us and lost are still part of who we are. Help us to remember that those who opposed us and won are still our friends and neighbors. Even when our candidate has been elected or our measure has passed, help us to remember that other ideas and voices are still there and still important.
Help us to remember that truth and right and wrong are not defined by slogans, or polls, or even votes, but by you and your message of compassion and justice.
May we who are the followers listen carefully for your message of hope, peace, and love, and repeat that message loudly enough and often enough that those in front cannot doubt where we are to be led. May all the men and women we have chosen to serve us and lead us do so with your wisdom and guidance.
Amen.
- November 2004, Newsletter of the Faith United Church of Ada and the Beltrami United Methodist Church
Whatever we thought things should be like today, they are the way they are.
Help us to remember that even though many of the women and men we elected yesterday are named after saints and monarchs, they are still human and fallible and need our support and our admonitions.
Help us to remember that those who opposed us and lost are still part of who we are. Help us to remember that those who opposed us and won are still our friends and neighbors. Even when our candidate has been elected or our measure has passed, help us to remember that other ideas and voices are still there and still important.
Help us to remember that truth and right and wrong are not defined by slogans, or polls, or even votes, but by you and your message of compassion and justice.
May we who are the followers listen carefully for your message of hope, peace, and love, and repeat that message loudly enough and often enough that those in front cannot doubt where we are to be led. May all the men and women we have chosen to serve us and lead us do so with your wisdom and guidance.
Amen.
- November 2004, Newsletter of the Faith United Church of Ada and the Beltrami United Methodist Church
I hate that people have to ask how I am doing. Beltrami county went for Kerry, Frank WON, Brita WON. I did my job. I'm amazed and flattered at how many people have come up to me and thanked me for working on these campaigns. Now, on to new causes and a return to some sort of "normalcy".
11.01.2004
I can't contain myself. I'm sitting in the Super Lab waiting for more call sheets to be delivered to my inbox so I can sit and wait for them to be printed. When I drive in my car I have to tell myself to slow down. It would be really bad to get into an accident right now (of course its always bad). I finally heard my radio ad today while we were phonebanking at Education Minnesota! I felt dorky, but lots of people have told me that it sounded good so I'll take their biased opinions!
There is a possibility that my phone bank will have to call from 8-10pm tommorow night. We will be calling western states before their polls close and urge them to vote Democratic. Bluh. I wanna go to the party. Cash bar baby. But we will call, because maybe the last few votes in Hawaii will turn it blue.
I have been envisioning the win for some time now. I really want to go to class on Wednesday and be beaming from ear to ear because my candidate won:)