"The evidence about Saddam having actual biological and chemical weapons as opposed to the capability to develop them has turned out to be wrong."Tony Blair, September 28, 2004
Psychologically speaking, when we experience challenges, anxiety, stress, difficulty, and so on - we are actually experiencing happiness. Doesn't this make complete sense? It's within those moments that we are testing our every dimension of humanity, when we learn the most about ourselves and grow, and when we are best able to theorize about the world and our communities. In the moment, we feel as if we're achieving very little. Similar to a runner's high, at the end of our challenge we feel as if we're on top of the world. Easy is unfeeling and boring. Having no responsibilities, ethics, or duties - even passions - is not happiness, rather emptiness.
We ate and laughed, we sang and prayed, we talked and were silent.
I was in such anxiety for this day to come. This worship to come. Things to happen. We ran into obstacles, but all ended up well. Music turned from a burden into an excellent opportunity. As the group entered the worship space Alanis Morrisette's "Still" was playing. This wasn't planned but just happened to be what was playing. One lady told me later "Alanis Morrisett was playing! I knew this was going to be awesome!" We sang to some 'campfire songs' and I lead one song accapella - rather stressfull, but it all seemed to be right.
The set-up was gorgeous. A circle of chairs, small tables with candles around a succoth (a bamboo booth). Fall leaves around and a transparency of jesus in stained glass projected on the wall.
We talked about wandering and being on a journey. I thought about my faith and how much it has changed since high school, how we've been wandering to make this worship experience happen. I thought about how I once thought that my vocational plan was set, but now seem to be in a state of restlessness.
Others talked about their frustration with being on a journey or wandering - they want a better map for their faith, they want more answers.
How scary it is to let yourself let go of what you *know*. What you believe is absolute truth, that you hold on to with all your might and defend to the end. To let go of that and embrace the unknown, with doubts and nothing concrete. All that is left is faith and experience.
The idea of going into faith with an open mind and heart for new possibilities, the same way we would go on a trip being open to new experiences.
So many ages were represented in our group of about 20 really surprised me - I didn't think as many seniors would be there and expected more 'baby boomers'. They brought a wealth of wisdom to the dialouge.
...I am your brilliance and frustration, I'm the nuclear bombs if they're to hit, I'm your immaturaty and your indignance, I am your misfits and your praised, I am your doubt and your conviction, I am your grasping and expectation...And I love you still
We had an EPIC service, experiencial, participatory, image rich and connective. People really enjoyed everything, we had a meaningful discussion that inspired and energized me. I am so happy.
For the wonders that astound us, for the truths that still confound us, most of all that love has found us - THANKS BE TO GOD.
it sux when you go for a really long time on the verge of crying, but you hold it in and try to put on a happy face. And then you've held it in so long that anything will push you over the edge.
i mismanaged my time, my procrastination problem is worse than ever. i've focused on one dimension of my life too much. thus my school work and church have suffered. i should have taken the semester off. i've put off paying for school, partly because i'm annoyed at having to be here. that's extremely selfish. lots of people would love to have my problem.
i feel rather inadequate in class. like the water is rising up around me, but at the same time obligated, as the last female in my class, to finish. or that changing now would be more of a hassel than sticking it out...
I worry about my students who would rather spend more time hating than less time caring. We will work on this.
grassroots, progressive, vital campaigning
time confliction, thought space competition, commitiment dilema.
then there is the stuff that just gets in the way, like work and school.
I am so afraid of when the shit is going to hit the fan. It is approaching programming project time. Assignments are going to be dumped on me and I'm going to have to try and find time to code, read, write, think. And I just pray that nothing is due November 1st or 2nd or 3rd or the entire week prior for that matter.
It is so scary the more I realize I shouldn't be in my major and the more I feel trapped in it. Although I do the trapping myself. I feel like it is easier to stay in this department and finish my degree than change right now. So, I guess I can't do any complaining.
I'm really tired of the question "Are you ready for school to start?" School is such a big thing - it's like asking me if I'm ready for life. The short answer is no. I'm not ready for the pressure and long days and constant scheduling of my every waking moment. It's something I choose but it somehow seems involuntary.
...Jesus... drama-free environments... being involved... political essays that slander G-Dub... coffee with lots of cream and sugar... people who know the world doesn't owe them anything... acoustic guitars and people who play them... loud music...
- Lindsi Jo