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doing the wait thing
Waiting for Tuesday to come and I'm sitting here waiting for call sheets to print at my parent's house, cause the super lab and ups store were closed.

My mom was flipping through the channels and she said, "Let's watch something mindless and not about politics." So we stopped on a cheerleading comptetion. It was fun to watch - makes me nostalgic for danceline. But not for very long.
the good part of xianity
“See, I think Christianity is like a human poem, written over thousands of years by people who have a sense that there is something more important for us than just waking up every day and going about our business. I’m one of those people, I’m afraid. I know that makes me seem a little foolish to you, but maybe you have room in your life for one goofy friend, huh?”
real live preacher
the marathon needs to come to an end
8 days to go until the election. I both want it to come and am scared if things don't work out right. Am I doing enough? Can I get all the Democrat students to vote, all the undecided students to vote? At times I still feel like I'm floating listlessly on this campaign, without a focus. At other times it feels like a marathon that really needs to end soon. I think the whole country wants it to end so we can stop being so divided and politically charged. Will the end of the campaign really bring this?

I feel like I can't be my full self right now. I'm too busy to talk to people, I cut them off and leave them hanging. I don't want it to be: I'm late, you don't matter, but it ends up that way. What I really want to do is sit my butt down and breathe.

Church rocked last night and I needed to stay longer, but was also "needed" elsewhere. Passions colliding. At EPIC we talked about wearing masks (real and figurative). Right now I feel like I have this schallack on of fake happy. Is it worth it to say that - "Yea I'm really overextended right now, but there isn't much I can do about it." I've never had anxiety this bad or as often as these last 2 months.

Stop whining. There's only 8 days left, suck it up and deal. If Froyd has his rant page, I guess this would be my whine page.

Oh and don't tell me you're too busy to volunteer right now, cause, ah yea.
Andy Martin is the best boss ever
Hey - watch the news on Tuesday night - I get to sit on stage when John Edwards comes to town - woo hoo:) (what to wear?)

Josh is moving out.
He took the cable box and internet in today. A little bit of a shock. But it led me to discover that the neighbors have wireless and you can pick it up in our house. Oddly enough the connection is called "spongebob" - our nickname for the big square yellow house next door.

The squeak on this couch sounds like people talking in the other room. This would be fine except I'm all alone at home and it freaks me out.

Julie G. - I'm thinking about you, come home quick sweetie(not too quick, I need sometime to clean my messes I've made without you knowing) and with some answers for your wellbeing:)
This has definately been a day
At dinner on Friday, we talked about how your brain cannot focus on the task at hand if something else is more stimulating. Or if something is not stimulating enough, your mind will wander and notice the other things near you that ARE more stimulating. Right now, staring at the wall is honestly more stimulating than writing this paper about
reverse engineering. The topic is interesting enough, but I'd much rather be discussing this issue, rather than writing about it. I can't seem to take a side or figure out where to begin. Well, I guess I have to try, here I go.

Another highlight - Jo-Nathan stood up for me and all Democrats to our waiter who had been giving me a hard time all night about being progressive. Our waiter happens to be in CS and one that I often get into arguements with. Sort of akward, but in a good way. Hahaha take that Mr. Conservative.
the kerry campaign worker says,
GOTV = Knockin' Ass
Amy E. - check this out
If you've been searching for the band that created the "Beautiful Life" song for the Toyota commercials you've found us. We will be releasing a full length version of the track on our next CD due out March 2005. We have also received word that because of the overwhelming amount of inquires Toyota has received about the commercial, they will soon make the 1 minute edited version of the song available for a free download at their site. We'll post the info just as soon as we get it.
fisher the band
not making a mistake
All the noise and distractions of this campaign remind me of the half hour or so before a sled dog race. The dogs are going nuts and I have to keep my focus on getting the sled ready, putting their harnesses on and not making a mistake. That's our strategy here too.
lindsi's honesty
I used to think I was born to spread the Word of God to everyone I possibly could...

Life was easier to live in denial than in reality...

I played a few worship songs and screamed at the ceiling like God would pay more attention to me if I was facing Him. I know He's never stopped paying attention to me because He's inside of me. He knows what I think before I do and He knows that I'm embarrassed to go back, knowing how much I've hurt Him. As a matter of fact, that's the first time I've even admitted it to myself. I can't go back, though... I am not the same person I was when I was 17. I am completely different. My circumstance has completely reshaped who I'm destined to become. I need to find a happy medium.

There has to be balance between the perfect-bright-white-Jesus-lover and the cussing-drinking-judgmental-materialist... Doesn't there? I still love Jesus when I'm drunk, and He still loves me when I'm dropping F-bombs. He died on the cross for my F-bombs. Convenient, though that doesn't justify them.
Lindsi Jo

I yelled at the computer "Me too!" when I read this. These last years at college have streched and challenged my faith and relationship with God. I've struggled with doing everything right and being pissed off at God for what I couldn't understand. I've come to not just accept my doubts and vices, but to realize that I don't have to be perfect and maybe I can learn and grow more from being "outside my xian box" - eventually getting closer to Him from experiencing all of his world.

Lindsi - we so need to start a progressive xian discussion (group?). Right, cause both of us have time to do that, but it would be wonderful.
leave them hanging
Okay, today made me feel better. I took Julie's advice and gave some time (20 minutes) to myself. Really all I did was shave my legs, but I was clean and felt pretty and it made a difference in my sanity. Boys gave me more than enough affirmation tonight. I still can't read boys though. Ack. I wish I could be more in control of where my lovelife was/is. Although, I am proud of my resolve to go home alone.

I've learned my lesson, that if I want a boy to call me for something other than a booty call its better to take a raincheck. I want someone who will go to debate watch parties with me and watch the Twins/Vikings with me, go to church with me, be a companion who really wants to know how my day was. Love all the crazy, put together parts of my personality. Someone who takes me fishing and comes into the coffee shop sometimes.

We desire to be touched and loved, but only let those needs show when we are "at ease", i.e. intoxicated or in my case using the fact that everyone else is drunk to allow me all the embraces I want. Personal bubbles go away.
getting to God
For once I need Jesus to freak out with me, to cry until we're laughing, then collapsing into comfortable chairs, suddenly forgetting everything, present in the quiet moment.

"You fucked up again, son," he would say.

"I know," I would say.

"It's ok. It's going to be ok."

"You mean like last time it was going to be ok?" And my sarcasm would cut him and he would frown in sadness, and I would start crying again, mumbling, "I just don't know, I just don't know..."

Eventually, I guess, I would fall asleep. And like Santa Claus, he would be gone back up the chimney by morning.

Eventually, I guess, I will fall asleep. I'll pray quietly as I lay down for no more nightmares. I'll pray quietly that I not think about the ten things I didn't do today, added to the ten things I didn't do yesterday, added to...

Do you think God might consider danielsjourney one big prayer from me? Even the cussing and the weakness and when I am skewed and crazy? Maybe God will consider what I'm writing tonight as a prayer. I like thinking that could be true.

I love using new media to "get to God", finding new ways of communing with the Spirit. I absolutely feel more at ease after I've written for miniette.
We're all crappy christians just trying to figure things out. Why not by using tech to not only speak out to the world, but to the alimighty too. It's not like its out of his reach anyway. (God knows)
hanging in the balance
How do you find a balance between work, activities and school when you hate school? How do you motivate yourself to do school work? I go to class because I know I'll fail if I don't. But it is so easy to let the school work slide when you don't have a free minute during the day. And you get home at 10 with no desire but to let your head settle.

And I still don't feel like I get anything accomplished for the Democrats either. Am I really just putting on the facade of working hard?

Anyway, time for bed. I have to fucking work all day for the Democrats and the coffee shop tomorrow. I need to learn to say no to extra hours and filling in.

25 days. John Kerry WILL win, I WILL get my homework done and I WILL take time off from Uptown...after the election.
Errr. Boys. I hate that they have so much power over my day. That they can completely take over how I feel about myself. Should I not read into things that he does? Am I only attracted to him for his political views and work ethic? Ahh. I'm fucking over-analyzing everything. At least I've got some progressives on my radar screen now. As oposed to the long line of moderate/conservative/military pschyos that came before.

It makes me want to call the one boy who makes me feel pretty. But that will probably be a let down too.

Oh and can't forget to mention the cockblock that came from the obnoxious customer when the cute/liberal/flirt salesman was in the coffee shop this afternoon - when I was the only one working and he could have asked me out. Ack.

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