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Alanis Morissette - Still
I am the harm which you inflict, I am your brilliance and frustration, I'm the nuclear bombs if they're to hit, I'm your immaturaty and your indignance, I am your misfits and your praised, I am your doubt and your conviction, I am your charity and your rape, I am your grasping and expectation, I see you averting your glances, I see you cheering on the war, I see you ignoring your children

And I love you still
And I love you still

I am your joy and your regret, I am your fury and your elation, I am your yearning and your sweat, I am your faithless and your religion, I see you altering history, I see you abusing the land, I see you and your selective amnesia

And I love you still
And I love you still

I am your tragedy and your fortune, I am your crisis and delight, I am your profits and your prophets, I am your art, I am your bytes, I am your death and your decisions, I am your passion and your plights, I am your sickness and convalescence, I am your weapons and your light, I see you holding your grudges, I see you gunning them down, I see you silencing your sisters

And I love you still
And I love you (still)

I see you lie to your country, I see you forcing them out, I see you blaming each other

And I love you still
And I love you still

We all want the same things
"I don't know if the new government is good or bad. We need security, electricity, water and a stable society. I expect that in the next few days there will be many explosions."
Awatif Jabbar, 23, married with two sons

We all just want the same things - a life.

hey guy that turns on the gas pump
Joggua - post something!
grand old party
The Minnesota Republican e-newsletter, GOP Newsline, reported Bush's comments on the transfer of power in Iraq Tuesday, June 29, 2004:

President Bush called the [Iraq] handover "a day of great hope for Iraqis, and a day that terrorist enemies hoped never to see. The terrorists are doing all they can to stop the rise of a free Iraq. But their bombs and attacks have not prevented Iraqi sovereignty, and they will not prevent Iraqi democracy."

Does anyone else think that Bush is completely missing the message the terrorists are trying to communicate? They were taking AMERICAN prisoners, doesn't that mean that they want AMERICANS gone and Iraq to be independent? Or is it just that he wants Americans to think that the terrorists message is "Stay Americans! Can't you see we need you!"?
It's Not About the Old Ways, It's About the Much Older Ways

Hey Democrats - $45 trip to Boston!
All transportation AND housing will be paid by the MN delegation - so it's only $45 to go to the national convention! Anyone interested in going just register on the CDA website. Let's go!

More wonderful things CDA convention site, John B. Hynes Veterans Memorial Convention Center:
Free wireless network access is provided in our Coffee Shop and Lounge areas on the first level. Visitors with wireless enabled laptops can simply turn on their computers and get complete Internet access.
I do laundry so I have clothes to wear, but I never put them away... so they're all over the place.
Things I am looking forward to:
2. My period to be over. Sorry, but it's true.

Ha! Me too, except my clothes got to the dresser this week amazingly.

Happy Birthday Andrea!

Andi is no longer a teenager, she's 20 today. I hope you had a wonderful day! Go read about it on her blog.

This [I] feel is always lost on college students as we make, join, run and quit 100 clubs a year. (Go WASP Go!!!)
Andrew the Zeppo
House Party
My parents had a house party for Frank last night. It was so much fun! Lots of cool people from church came over and talked politics. We had lots of good food and wine. Everyone oohed and ahhed over my parents flower gardens and the house - all of their hard work paid off.
I am so going!
CDM national convention, DNC national convention, $45 bucks, transportation, but no housing. Ooo oversite. housing is included!

I'm all signed up - who's with me?
As Kelly said: "WHAT A NIGHT"

On Saturday morning, Liana and I made sure every last detail was taken care of, aesthetic wise, at the reception hall. Then it was back home to get dressed to the nines right down to the red manicure and pedicure and red heels.
At the church there was a pleasant surpise of corsaiges for Liana and me. We were there to greet everyone and take care of gifts, cards and the guestbook. It was very nice to have a partner in crime for our duties. The church was packed - standing room only. Liana and I stood during the entire ceremony.

At the reception we made sure the lights stayed up and helped facilitate the taking down of extra tables on the dance floor. Which the lone table clearer was very thankful for - "bless your heart". Liana even swept the dance floor and vacuummed the carpet.

And then we have the exboyfriends. Ack. I cannot seem to make old feelings die. Obviously, I was attracted to them once and I am still hopelessly drawn to their personalities, etc. There is also the level of comfort that exsists with old boyfriends that doesn't with new guys. Damn Charlene. Errr. But it opened up the option of another...And then the one night stand came back to haunt me too.
and them
Parkers Prairie finally called again last night, he had been out in the boonies and unable to use his mobile. Chelsey's friend called out of the blue on Wednesday and Thursday, but encounters leave something to be desired. Should possibly stay away from that.

On the upside - it's Rebecca and Nate's Wedding tonight and old high school boys will be in town. Who doesn't love a good wedding reception dance!
it is a small town
Whoa. A woman came into Uptown today. She ordered and paid with a check. As I was reading it, I noticed that she had a familiar last name. I looked to see if she was married - hey her husband has the same name as the guy I had a crush on, who happened to be the best friend of my exboyfriend - I wonder if....

So, I asked her - are you married to the one from Bemidji? The one with brothers named so and so? Yea, is your name Julie? You look familiar, I've seen you in pictures. Ohmigod - she knew my name. Definately a weird encounter to meet the wife of a former crush and she knew who I was.
practice non-violence to your body. practice with joy.
Mmmm yoga. It was very nice today. It has been getting progressively more challenging and interesting. New poses everytime.
New favorite pose: legs in the air against the wall, hands on belly - works wonders on calming yourself. Do you think it would work with middleschoolers?

I'm very glad Julie convinced me to practice with her. I'm very glad I didn't give up when I was running a little late after work or when Julie missed 3 sessions in a row and I thought she had dropped out. Now, it gives us time to catch up before and after class - I am very happy we're living together next year, she is such a sweetheart and we have the best conversations about life, faith, and politics.
The way it should be
"I told them that the church is a sanctuary. If you walk through the church doors and call out, “Sanctuary!” then you are allowed to start a new life. They have a past, as do we all. Their past will likely continue to affect their present, but we in the Church are called by God to accept them as they are now and walk with them into a new future. In “the world” they may have many debts to pay, but not in church."
Real Live Preacher
bed, blogs and discipline
So I have this problem where I can't go to bed before 2AM and have problems motivating myself to get up before 11. Considering I have to be up and chipper at 7 on Saturday, I have been trying to go to bed earlier, but alas I have failed. Tuesday, I really tried, I was in bed by 12. My mind was still on. I wanted to blog, but resisted (much to your chagrin I'm sure) and wrote in my journal instead. I read through stuff I had written in the last few years, all kinds of emotions and memories return. Maybe I'll share with you what I wrote someday. Right now my journal is far away and I am comfortably sitting with my computer on my lap.
and they're spent
I finally did in my favorite pair of jeans. They had been patched multiple times, but yesterday they split right down the butt AND ripped in the corner opposite of the patched pocket. AT WORK Plus last week one of the belt loops ripped off when I was hiking them up. Goodbye Target jeans, you have served me well.

Hmmm, to wear retro-red-eighty's high heels (from Mom's closet) with my dress to Rebecca's Wedding or not...I think - do it:) Now, I just need to find a red leather clutch purse...
Fundraiser for Frank

Come eat BBQ, listen to music by Steve & Doyle Turner Jr. and invited DFLers speak at the Legion in Bemidji (3rd st) from 5-7PM Tonight!
finally a night in
After dancing the night away with Kari, Sean, and Erica on Saturday, it was Julie and Laura night on Sunday. We went to Catholic Mass at 5 (its always nice to have another protestant in the pew with me:) Then, I put on my band polo and played in the Community Band Concert. It was in the park right by Laura's house, so she walked down and listened. I'm impressed by anyone who can be entertained by the music we play (its way more fun to play than listen). Afterwards, we headed back to her house for movies and popcorn. We watched Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back including all the special features till the early hours of the morning - I forgot how funny some parts of that movie are.

3 nights out in a row is too many. It was nice to just relax - plus Laura has a big tv and lots of food at her house!

Ooo and there is an email from Amy about she has the night off on Monday and has time to chill with people!
Bachelorette Night!
We took Rebecca out for a night of embarrassing, money making rituals. She had a lovely tee shirt full of lifesavers which one could suck off for the low price of a dollar.

We started with dinner at TJuans and gifts (I had a GRANDE strawberry daquari and the rehearsal dinner for the Wisehart wedding was there also), then we headed to her mom's house for a bonfire with the underagers. Afterwards it was on to Keg and UBar for Last Call. It was a good time - the best part was probably talking and giving advice to Rebecca about sex, bladder infections, the pill and KY Jelly with the non-virgins around the fire!

Oh, and I found a very cute dress for the wedding - strapless with a cute black and pink/white/red flower pattern - trust me its cute.
And It's Ben's Birthday too!

Happy 21st on the 19th. Have a good time in Madison, I'll see you on the 26th.
Woo $ taps night at Union
Worked all day today, then to yoga, then to the legion to talk to the bride about how we are supposed to decorate her reception hall. Liana and I are supposed to coordinate this and make sure everything happens at the right times and stuff. 7AM on the day of the wedding alright! It should be a good time though.

Afterwards, Liana and I headed to Union Station with Kari where we met up with Sean. Finally people went with me to dollar taps night at Union! It was a good time had by all too. Until, a rather creeepy/annoying fellow wouldn't leave us alone and so we used going to the U-bar as an excuse to leave.

Well, U-bar was dead, so we ditched it to go to Keg which was still hopping with Karoke:) Met up with Chris Bennet (how the hell he ever got in he won't tell) and finished the night off there.

Liana and I are going to go look for dresses for Rebecca's wedding tommarow morning so that should be fun.

This was a crappy recount of the nights events, but you like updates don't you? So it'll have to do. See you soon:)
Happy Birthday Amy E!

Miss E-Machine is 22 today and working her heart out with awesome high school students who want to make their lives better by going to extra college-prep in the summer.

We are green for a few days in honor of her:)

Amy keeps me up on all the best new music before its cool, I have my best laughs when I'm with her (have you heard her most infectious laugh?) and she keeps me out of trouble. She is the opposite of a lazy college student - she is the hardest working person I know. She got me to climb the Grand Canyon and she is teaching me how to make fun of people:)
She is absolutely the most genuine person I know and I am so stoked I get to be her friend!

Have a rockin' birthday Aim-ditty!
The Tao of Sisyphus
I can party like a rockstar. I think I've acquired a drinking problem, but what do you expect from a bleeding-heart liberal in a world like this?

There are two options for those of us dissatisfied with the status quo: go on the Faulkner diet or be active in the political process.

Jo-Nathan, Hypertext Essay
here ben
So I don't update enough and you are surfing the internet and you've checked your email. Now what? A few suggestions:
The Onion
google news, BBC, NYT, Aljazeera
Belle de Jour
Sex and Depression
My New Fighting Technique is Unstoppable | Get Your War On
Gaping Void
music plasma
To a good many Americans, "evangelism" is not a pretty word. For nonbelievers, the word inspires images of Jehovah's Witnesses sniffing around the front door, Mormons in their shirt-sleeves cornering people in the supermarket--the kind of hard sell generally reserved for telemarketers and used-car salesmen. For many Christians the word also has a negative connotation. A lot of us think of evangelism the same way we think of visiting our crazy aunt or cleaning the litter box: something we know we're supposed to do, but are always finding ways of putting off. The thing about it is that I think the majority of American Christians find the notion of evangelism itself distasteful and do not practice it in any fashion.

By "evangelism," of course, I'm referring to the practice of spreading the Good News, the Gospel of Jesus. Already you're cringing even reading the words, perhaps? Don't feel bad--it's a natural reaction. I'll explain why in a moment. What's important to note if you're not up on your New Testament is that in three of the four Gospels, Jesus clearly gives a command to his disciples to baptize people and spread his teachings to all the nations of the world. A lot of Christians hate that part. Most of the people I know that consider themselves believers wouldn't evangelize someone if their life depended on it, and certainly wouldn't have the audacity to go up to some Buddhist and tell him that he was barrelling down the offramp to perdition.

A lot of other Christians, however, take Jesus's commands at face value and will do anything in their power to get you to (and you know the phrase, I'm sure), "accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior."

Don't you hate that phrase? Doesn't it make you queasy? Doesn't it sound like you're being sold something? Of course it does! And there's a reason for that: the techniques used by these evangelists are precisely the same as those used by the worst kind of marketing people.

If you've ever run across an eager Evangelical, or a Mormon during his mission years, or anyone from a church with the words "rock", "living water", or "signs and wonders" in its title, you've experienced the discomfort of that experience. The approach is simple and exceptionally unsophisticated, but it's used because it has worked exceptionally well in the past. It begins with a few simple questions. "Do you believe in God?" "Did you know that God has a plan for you?" "Did you know that Jesus died for your sins? Yes, yours!"


The message that I have to those of my fellow Christians who practice such methods is that I wish you would stop doing it this way. These methods don't work anymore. They don't work. In fact, they achieve precisely the opposite of the intended result. Instead of bringing people into the Church, they push those people away in droves.

I am an excellent case study. When I was a freshman in college, I was approached by some Christian kids on a field trip who wanted me and my friends to sit down right then and there, in the middle of the Dallas Hyatt Regency lobby, and say this prayer that would (the way they described it) somehow magically make us Christians and wipe away all of our transgressions. Well, my friends weren't snookered by this, but I was. I was a gullible seventeen year old who wanted desperately to be loved and accepted. I said their prayer. They promised to keep in touch and I never heard from them again. I went around for a few months afterward wondering what was wrong with me because I didn't feel any different, and shouldn't I feel different? I mean, I said that prayer. They said it would change my life. But my life was exactly the same. No angels appeared from on high and anointed me with a heavenly light. I tried to pray, but I felt like an idiot talking to nobody. Within six weeks, I'd decided that religion was for idiots and suckers, and I never wanted anything to do with it, ever again.

Matt Sturges is spot on with this one. People aren't stupid, they just want someone who is evangelizing them to go away. Not exactly the best way to bring people to the church. Love them, accept them, live the best way you can, then, IF THEY ASK YOU, tell them about the wonderful joy and peace that is in your life and invite them to join.

Go read the whole thing - I think it is rather humorus.
oh dear
So heartbreaker found the secret blog. Now everything that I ever wrote that I didn't want him to see, but wanted others (i.e. Amy and Liana) to see is out in the open. He freakin took 2 hours at work and read every archive. (He called me up and told me today. Isn't that lovely.)

Well, everythings out on the table now. I went back and read all my stuff and it wasn't as bad as I remembered so, I'm not quite so freaked out anymore. So now the question is: do I (a) continue to write on there like he doesn't read it, (b) start a new blog to write about that stuff, or (c) just write the damn stuff on this one for everyone to see.

If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about: I have another place where I write things, mostly extra junk that I want in digital form, but not on this blog like youth group meetings, research for papers, to do lists, more song lyrics, rough drafts of things, etc. And including how my heart feels about certain boys.
Folding at Home - Distributed Computing
When I tell people my computer "folds" proteins, they look at me weird so, I looked up what it actually is. You learn something new every day. For your reading enjoyment:

What are proteins and why do they "fold"? Proteins are biology's workhorses -- its "nanomachines." Before proteins can carry out their biochemical function, they remarkably assemble themselves, or "fold." The process of protein folding, while critical and fundamental to virtually all of biology, remains a mystery. Moreover, perhaps not surprisingly, when proteins do not fold correctly (i.e. "misfold"), there can be serious effects, including many well known diseases, such as Alzheimer's, Mad Cow (BSE), CJD, ALS, and Parkinson's disease.

What does Folding@Home do? Folding@Home is a distributed computing project which studies protein folding, misfolding, aggregation, and related diseases. We use novel computational methods and large scale distributed computing, to simulate timescales thousands to millions of times longer than previously achieved. This has allowed us to simulate folding for the first time, and to now direct our approach to examine folding related disease.

You can do it too: download the software
I'm the lone blue spot in north central minnesota: visualization of folders (pdf).
new music that i'm obsessed with:
Jamie Cullum - Twentysomething

heard about him first on All Things Considered, then he was on sale for $7 at target, he was also featured Monday on the World Cafe

I love his remakes of "Frontin" and "High and Dry" and his original "All at Sea". I took it to work today - and everyone was talking about it!

Franz Ferdinand

Listened to them on Virgin Radio from London when I used to work at Online Services at BSU - Take Me Out!

I didn't realize "Take Me Out" (the reason I bought the CD) had a full minute intro song that sounds nothing like the single. I freaked out a little, skipped through some songs to see if I could find it elsewhere, then returned to what was supposed to be the right track and listened to the whole song. Then I felt better.
I Wanna Go
seeking stories beauty meaning
Hey my damn bathroom ceiling is leaking again! A lot! Errrr. This is annoying. Most of the drips come from right above the toilet too. So you must make sure and time your piddling between the drips so you don't get wet stuff on you. Errr. The water is from someone else's shower above that has leaked through the walls and floor of this old house, the thought of it dripping on me really grosses me out. This needs to be fixed. And yes I have contacted my Landlord. I just have to let you all know what is going on down in the hole.
the worship thing
We had another meeting for alt worship tonight. This time with more people. I brought my computer along to take notes and cause I thought there might be some opportunity to display pictures from other pomo services.
I want it to happen so bad. There are so many logisitics to iron out and I just want to get down to planning the actual events.

Some names I've been thinking of:
EPIC journey (EPIC=experiential, participatory, image rich, connective)
Something More

Discussion included talk of times. When can we find a time to do this?! We went round and round with options and pros and cons for each option. We don't want to step on any toes in the Traditional Worship and we want to be as inclusive as we can. Thus we want the time when the most people can be there.

Sunday morning seems to be the sacred cow in this town. It's assumed that people won't come to a service that is not on Sunday morning. Having it on Sunday morning also gives it validity. And we can use the already existing sunday school, nursery, and coffee hour.

Of course I disagree that people won't come to afternoon or evenig services cause - hello the Catholics go at 5:30 on Saturday AND Sunday night.

I envision a worship experience/dialouge on a Saturday night where we all go out to the bar afterwards and continue the conversation! But maybe that just appeals to the college student in me.

Ack. I just want to plan services that are full of tradition, liturgy, ritual, ceremony, screaming music, emotions, visuals - the good stuff. So, I can enjoy going to church again and we can (hopefully) get some young people involved in the community of the congregation again.
I have come to deeply admire and appreciate a retired pastor in our congregation. At times in the past he could be long winded during announcements and I felt frustrated or annoyed when talking to him. I was also young and stupid.

Recently, our congregation has been discussing our vision for the next five years. In these discussions I have found a kindred soul in this old man. His passion for social justice and faith, that I didn't understand in the past has opened up opportunities for intergenerational fellowship. We want to facilitate the discussion/worship/fellowship/community between the old and young and those in between!

His wisdom and experience is going to be a huge asset in this alt worship thing. I am certain that we NEED him to make this happen. Also, the idea of having young adult/adult studies group led by us or others in the church seems to be a place to start in the "kids get out of sunday school and leave the church" problem. Lets challenge people! Lets make them think! Lets do something about the stuff we say!

This very well be my only saving grace for staying at the church. But really when you think about it, church is the people. "Church laws" are not church. Worship is not church. The relationship with the community of followers and God IS church.
Work and Leisure
So, I'm still working at Uptown even though I said I was going to quit. I haven't found a job and Leslie gave me all of her hours for the rest of the summer.

And then today my dad told me that he knew about this unadvertised job opportunity. His insurance agent is looking to set up an office in town and needs an assistant to answer phones, do data entry, troubleshoot computers, etc. He talked to him today and said "My daughter would be more than happy to do that." (Woo yay Dad you rock - maybe you really do understand some of me:) I may even have the opportunity to get an insurance license, because they want me to know about the business. So I'm going to call this person and see if things pan out.

Yesterday Julie introduced me to the weight room at the college rec center. The smell of the place gives me anxiety. Takes me right back to gym class - blech. It was not as bad as I thought it would be and I had a good time with Julie.

It was also Jake O's B-Day yesterday, so we all went out to Keg for drinks it was fun - I was cute.
This weekend
Wow its been way too long again. I had a very nice weekend.

Friday: "Parker's Prairie" came up. We went to dinner (Applebees, Andy H. was our waiter - always fun) and I had a bonfire at my parent's house. Lots of people came. We talked, joked, laughed and drank the night away (until we ran out of wood and then it was kinda lame).

Saturday: Had coffee with Amy and Jo-Nathan, ran errands with Amy, Dinner at Dave's Pizza with Jo-Nathan, Kamran, Jenny and Amy, took a walk with Amy and Stacy, rented Monster called Cassie and John to come watch too, made me nauseous and went home.

Sunday: Went to Johnson's for Brandon and Erica's grad party, Lifeteen Catholic Mass in the evening - really great (new cute seminarian who lead music).

Got no work done. I need to not let myself watch TV at my parent's.
Correction: "I hesitated before I put the piece of bread in my mouth, two totally incongruous thoughts intersecting in my brain: the first was that I found myself questioning for the first time in my life whether or not I actually felt up to the challenge of receiving communion, that it was not simply the symbolic act of taking sustenance from Christ, but also a self-implication in a mystery. To partake is to take part, is to become one with. The other, non-sequitur thought was that with everyone raising these shotglass-sized cups in unison, it looked as though the church was participating in a large-scale drinking contest, and I had to resist the urge to slam the empty cup down on the table, wipe my chin with my sleeve, and say, "Ahhhhhhhh.""
Memorial Day
It's been too long, I know.

This week was pretty decent. Troy and Ben were home for Memorial Weekend so that was nice. I went to a Twins game on Monday with my parents. I like baseball but thought the game was boring - they lost, weren't playing very well, and Joe Mauer wasn't playing. On the upside we had awesome tickets - 4 rows up from 3rd base.
Can this happen in Bemidji please
diy wireless networks

Young House Love
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Apartment Therapy
Kellie DyKast's Scraplog
Oh Happy Day
Feeling Stitchy
Desire to Inspire
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Perfect Bound
Love Forever
2000 Dollar Budget Wedding
a $10,000 wedding
Style Me Pretty
Snippet & Ink
Little Green Notebook Don't Call Me Becky
Sublime Stitching
St. Paul Craft Mafia
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